This is a poem I wrote at 1:30am when sleep wasn’t happening. I had been pondering the incredible refinement that takes place in transition. I’ve never published poetry… this is new for me… Have grace, friends.
TRANSITION…
New faces, new spaces, new traces of confusion that beat against my head.
Where is He in this?
In broken places, in last embraces, in heart races because my faith has taken me beyond my comfort,
I can’t find Him here.
Yesterday we were thick as thieves, heart on my sleeve, and I believed we would stay that way forever.
But today He’s gone.
They say He’s near, but I fear that I can’t hear Him even when I try my best to listen
What’s He saying?
…TRANSFIGURATION…
Time has passed, it’s gone at last, the confusion that massed and cluttered my head
I start to see Him again.
But it’s different this time, my heart aligns, and I incline my ear to hear what I haven’t heard Him say before.
He’s speaking new things.
I feel alive, and I’ve contrived to understand the change of scene
There’s something different about Him.
But you know, it’s strange; He never really changed, not even a bit.
I think He gave me new eyes.
…TRANSFORMATION.
The new faces and spaces and traces of confusion uncovered what I couldn’t see before.
He sharpened my vision.
There was a face, a space, a trace of Goodness and Mercy that comfort couldn’t show.
He widened my gaze
In a place unknown, feeling alone, I never really was because He simply refined me.
He never left me for a minute.
If we raced forward past the borders of our imagination, perhaps we would see that with Him, there is always more.
Before I left for China, I had an intense closeness with the Father. It was raw, real, and deep. I was smitten by Him, and it was a sweet time. I really didn’t think it could get any better. I didn’t think it could (or should) change.
But when I arrived in China, everything did change. I knew nothing of the place I was living, the people I was surrounded by, or the God who promised to be with me. I felt abandoned, to be honest. I couldn’t see Him, feel Him, or hear Him. Silence and loneliness consumed me for a time. But I kept seeking, praying that I would find Him in the midst of that heavy and hard transition.
Over the course of time and a lot of hardships, I began to know Him in a way I had never known Him before. My Father in China was different. He was more compassionate, more gracious, more loving, and more joyful than I could have ever imagined.
If I had stayed in my comfort zone…if I had stayed in my familiar, happy, contented place, would I have ever known what I know now? Could I have ever understood that what I thought I knew about Him was merely the surface?
Dream deeper and wider dreams about Him, friends. He is greater than you think He is right now. He is more extravagant and extraordinary than you believe Him to be right now. He is more compassionate than you’re experiencing Him to be right now. He is more. How can we know this unless we step out and to see it? It may not be a physical stepping out of a country or city; it may be a step out in a job, a relationship, a calling, a whatever. Wherever that transition needs to take place, I promise you He will be on the other side of it, ready to blow your mind with more of Him.