You know what I’ve discovered? Truly knowing a person requires hours and hours of seemingly meaningless chatter, pointless doing, and mundane being… and I must confess, that annoys me. I want to cut right to the chase and know everything about person right then and there. I skim over the surface of people, really. But cutting right to the chase and skimming people has left me disappointed and irritated, because people are, unfortunately, complex. They require patience. So you see.. I’ve found that I don’t have patience to know people deeply, and that has cost me dearly.
I have one particular story that showcases this lack of patience. It’s a pathetic one, actually. I’m smirking as I type this because it’s so classic romantic-comedy. But spoiler: in the end, I don’t get the guy.
Several years ago, I met a guy, and due to some encouragement from friends, I went on a few dates with him. They were good dates. Conversation was good. The food was good. The guy was good. However, I just felt frustrated after each date. “I don’t think we fit,” I told my mom. “There’s no chemistry,” I said… (low-key rolling my eyes at that cliche excuse for writing a person off). So I closed my heart and decided I wasn’t interested. “I don’t want to waste my time when I know this isn’t going anywhere.” I thought.
But over the course of the year, we continued becoming good friends, and that following summer, I realized what I had done. I had gotten to know him, and suddenly, I saw the mistake I had made. He was an incredible person; we could have been awesome together. Unfortunately, it was too late for that. Life pulled us in different directions. My hasty decision based on little-to-no knowledge of who this guy was had sabotaged the desired rom-com ending.
I know. My Hollywood blockbuster life. I do have a significant point to make though.
We fill in the blanks with people, don’t we? We’ve gotten really good at skimming… too good… to the point where we skim over people and make the fastest and most tragic assumptions about their worth and person. The movies glamorize this sort of “instant connection” and rapid depth. But this isn’t reality, is it? People are so complicated and layered. Every single human has something to be discovered. How arrogant are we to then piece together a full person from our weak assumptions and poor judgments?
If you read this and hear me yelling, just know that I’m yelling at myself. It’s conviction, not condemnation (there’s such a difference).
You see, I’ve been called out by the One who is the most steadfast, patient friend I have.
Steadfast, by definition, means “firmly fixed, immovable”. Isn’t that a remarkable picture of how committed Christ is to loving us? Firmly fixed in his intentions to be with us. Immovable in his affections towards us. This sort of commitment is beyond what earth can offer, but He offers it to us eternally.
So my conviction is this (take it or leave it): Take time with people. Ask questions. Wait. Do it again. Wait. Don’t take them at face value. Their Creator didn’t make them two-dimensional. Don’t skim people. This will require a supernatural patience and trust, but it will be worth it, because every single person is worth knowing. How crazy is that? The weirdest human you know is worth the time to know. Oof, that’s another conviction for another day.