“Whoever shall be guided so far towards the mysteries of love, by contemplating beautiful things rightly in due order, is approaching the last grade. Suddenly he will behold a beauty marvelous in its nature… not beautiful here and ugly there, not beautiful now and ugly then, not beautiful in one direction and ugly in another direction, not beautiful in one place and ugly in another place…”
– Mary Oliver
Shadow Lines
We’re waiting for the catch to all this, aren’t we? When promises are made, laughs are had, peace is felt, connections are created…. we’re waiting for the man behind the curtain to come out and tell us what’s really going on here:
This isn’t real.
You’re a phony.
They’re only pretending to like you.
You aren’t good enough.
It’s all going to hell in a hand basket soon enough.
These lines of nasty dialogue I’ll call “shadow lines” — because they lurk in the shadows of the beautiful and the good.
The fact of the matter is, however, those shadow lines are… semi-accurate.
This isn’t all real. Most of life is an image of what will come (let’s not get too heady or philosophical about this now… y’all know I’m not that type). What I mean is that the created world is in part, not in whole. Our sin has made life only partially lived, and the fullness of reality is not here yet (please Jesus come quick).
You are a phony. Fake it till you make it, right? Except you never really do make it, and you fake your way through conversation after conversation for the sake of social conventions and trying to survive. Your social media? Bogus. That time you said you were fine? C’mon, you aren’t fooling anyone, least of all yourself.
Some people don’t actually like you (my people pleasing self hated typing that more than I can say). In the billions of human beings in this world, and the thousands that you have interacted with, there are some who totally pretended to like you but secretly hoped they would never have to see you again. Youch.
You aren’t actually good enough. As pure as your intentions might be, deep down you know your own self-interest drives much of what you do and say; you know, feel, and have faced the dark, moldy corners of your mind.
It is actually getting worse. The news. Need I say more?
Now, I didn’t choose to break my intense hiatus from blogging to talk shit about humanity or be depressing. Because as a matter of fact, I’ve just stepped away from beautiful communion with God, and I was struck by an even more staggering truth: God’s love has no shadow.
God’s love has no shadow.
Everything we experience here on earth has a shadow — every joy, has a shadow of sorrow, grief, and anguish. Every relationship we have, there are shadows of conditions, unfair expectations, and agonizing betrayals. Every bit of peace we feel, there are shadows of inevitable disruption, chaos, and anxiety in a world we cannot control. Every ounce of hope we hold, there are shadows of despair, uncertainty, and dread.
However.
God’s love has no shadow. We Christians love to talk about how God is Love (thanks, 1 John 4). But if we actually think about it and believe it to its core, this means that there is not a single dark, ugly, twisted, uncertain part of God. And this shadowless love has chosen us to be the objects of this great love.
And when the source of love chooses us to be His objects of love, it CONSUMES. The Scriptures call His Love a consuming fire, and no truer words can actually be said. This love, too pure and lovely, with no contrast of darkness in sight, absolutely annihilates darkness.
You know what these means, right? We’re going to feel uncomfortable when we finally accept His Love. Because our bodies, brains, and hearts have casted long shadows inside us. “Darkness cannot stand the light” (John 1:5). Once we say yes to this Love, He cannot hold back; He cannot give us little bits of it in doses; He consumes us entirely. And what a way to go! (tongue and cheek, but also, seriously).
But it’s what we’ve wanted our entire lives, isn’t it? To be so deeply and purely loved, with no conditions; accepting all the ugly bits of us, and slowly transforming us into more beautiful creatures?
I guess I’m not saying anything profound here. Just a hearty reminder of the absolute raw, consuming, beautiful love of God that actually has no catch. Just take Him at His word, ya know? That He actually loves you and wants you and will transform you completely if you let Him.