Loving Ugly

“Stare into the face of ugly sin and love the beating heart behind it.”

That’s what He said to me. In broad daylight.

“But Father,” I choked a laugh. “That’s impossible. You don’t seem to understand. This sin… It’s revolting. I don’t know if I can stand next to this person and not see it. It’s like a bad accident…you just can’t look away.”

He just looked at me. He didn’t blink.

“Okay, maybe that’s a bad analogy…” I stared down at my toes, because that’s all you can do when you stand before Him sometimes.

“Listen, it stinks, this sin. It’s the kind of stench that sticks to your nostrils. You know bonfires? How the smell clings to your sweatshirt for weeks on end? It’s like that. No matter how much I scrub, I can’t get rid of that rank, putrid smell.”

He breathed in, breathed out, and smiled, sadly.

“Look, it’s really uncomfortable for me, okay? Being around this sin is gross. I just can’t deal with it. I don’t want to. Can’t I just love them from a distance? Like, I’ll call and text them weekly. How’s that? I won’t ask them about the sin. I won’t even bring it up. I can do that, can’t I?”

Not a word.

“Okay, I can’t do it.” I threw my hands up.  “I can’t love them like you want me to.  How can I?  How can you expect me to love them when their sin is so heavy and disgusting?” 

A tear brimmed on the edge of His eye.

I knew I blew it.

He crouched down and grabbed my face. He didn’t say anything—He really didn’t have to. I felt the weight of conviction pressing down hard.

He looked deeply. He breathed in the stench of my prideful, arrogant breath. He closed in on my distant, avoidant heart. He stared into the ugliness of my sin and loved me anyways.

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When the going gets tough, I get going. This is my greatest struggle. When vulnerable, aching people desire closeness with me, I want to turn away. I don’t want to look into the ugly sin and see the reality of it. I don’t want to fight alongside a broken friend. I want to run back to the safe surface, where no one will ask hard questions and no one will ask anything of me.

But that is not what He calls us to, friends. He calls us into the kind of unity that confuses the world. He calls us into a love that stretches our hearts wide open. He calls us into a bond that defies all earthly understanding.

This sort of love will force us to see and hear things that we don’t want to see or hear. It will beckon us to share things we never thought we could or should. It will call us to love deeper, wider, and higher, still.  And yes, it’s going to feel uncomfortable; it’s going to hurt; it’s going to stretch us beyond our limits.

Because He did it for us. He stared into the face of our ugliness and chose to crown us with royalty, adopt us into His family, and die that we may be with Him forever.

The Son said it best: “May the love that you have loved me be in them…” (John 17:26)

May the love he LAVISHED on us be in us.  May our broken brothers and sisters feel this love pouring out of us.  May it be done as He has said.